My heart is beating so fast writing this post.
It has nothing to do with knocking out walls or mixing paint colors.
Mildly DIY related.
I have always been pretty open about my infertility and PCOS. And I even announced on our blog that we had plans to adopt. I understand how devastating infertility is. It makes people uncomfortable to talk about it. Ever since I was 16, I was told it was next to impossible for me to get pregnant. I joined the infertile-myrtle club. So, I hope I can sensitively write this post. Some of my most dear friends are going through the depths of hell with their infertility.
Friends of IBK know that we went to Disneyland in April.
And oh man. My boobs killed in the Magic Kingdom. Tmi? Just keepin it real. But I didn’t think anything of it. Although, I was pretty vocal about it. I’m sure Parker thought I was a cray lady.
We got home from Disneyland, and Aaron “lovingly”
forced encouraged me to take a test. Which wasn’t too out of the ordinary for a lady with PCOS who goes up to a year with no cycle. Sometimes you just gotta check in and make sure there’s nothing weird growing up in your bits. Anyway. I took it. I cannot think of any humanly words to describe my feeling when first seeing the 2nd line show up. Sheer terror is probably the closest description. This is the part where I make a horrible infertile lady. I have always been okay with knowing we would adopt. I have always openly admitted that nothing scares/grosses me out more than pregnancy and childbirth. But I LOVE babies. I LOVE children. I will forever be a primary worker. And I’m cool with that.
So I sit there. Looking at this piece of plastic with 2 lines. And I just start crying. Because I am so happy. I have always wanted this. And I have always been scared of it. But I’ve always had faith I could do it.
Now I have to tell Aaron. I just walk out into the kitchen and hold it up to his face. I’ve never seen a happier man in my entire life. He had a smile bigger than Texas. He was jumping around the kitchen hollering about how he was going to be a dad. I was just shaking. I kind of didn’t believe it. So I sent him to the store to buy 5 more tests, all different brands. I took them, all at different times, with different batches of pee. Just to be sure. All positive. Holy crap. Now what?
It has been pretty uneventful from then until now. It has been a really rough first trimester. So much puking. I had the swine flu in 2009. I swore nothing could be worse than that. I’m here to tell you, the first trimester has been worse than the swine flu. Although, it’s nice knowing I get a treasure at the end of this. 🙂 As of now, we are 11 weeks. So ALMOST out of the first trimester. Just one more week. And I’m holding strong to the promise of nausea getting the fluff out of here. The heartbeat is strong and good. Baby is growing like it’s supposed to. Has the right number of head, arms, and legs.
So where does that leave us? Feeling incredibly blessed.
So maybe you’ll be a little more patient with me now you know. And now you also know why I haven’t posted much. I’ve felt like a garbage can. But a happy garbage can 🙂